Episode 81: John Adams

Mistakes. Triumphs. And Celebrations.

I’ve known John Adams since we met in 1996 in Manhattan. Had it not been for him dating (and then marrying) my closest friend at the time Toby Poser, our paths would likely have never crossed. Despite the years of knowing one another, It wasn’t until we sat down to talk this week that I felt like I got to know him and see him in his full, beautiful humanness.

Maybe it was the candor of our conversation. Maybe it was his willingness to be honest and completely forthcoming (in the most un-salacious way) about the struggles of his life. Fighting for his existence against a brutal cancer. Searching for a genuine love in his life that would become the driving force behind his survival. Coming clean about being an addict and all the lies that came with his drug use. To the life that his wife Toby helped him save and remake with no judgment. Only love. Only compassion. Only unwavering dedication. Maybe it’s because in hearing his story, I felt my empathy increase for a sensitive man who has overcome so much, and also for all of us who silently struggle with deep pains and hurts, those heavy disappointments that life invariably brings. Maybe it’s because we are both men in our 50s and in seeing him, I see myself and understand what it means to look back, but to still want more, to still dream and to still matter.

And there is a lot of good stuff here too. Him being at the height of the modeling world in the 1990s in New York City gracing the pages of GQ and L’uomo Vogue and working with the greats – Armani, Klein, Varvatos. Forming his own punk rock band Banana Fish Zero that he fronted in the clubs and bars of the alternative scene in New York wearing only a white g-string. Building his home for his family with his own hands. Becoming a dad to two powerful daughters whose lives he was fully present for. Traveling across America with Toby and their girls in an RV making award-winning films and making rock & roll together (even The New York Times caught the magic of what the Adams Family has been up to). All the things that make a life a life.

John’s story is one of no regrets. Only mistakes and triumphs, both to be learned from and celebrated.